If Good Things Come to Those Who Wait, Why Does the Early Bird Get the Worm?

I think the title is relevant to the way I feel currently. I am struggling with patience. I have quite a bit of patience with people I think, but not with my self or my life. Wow, this is already sounding very self centered. Last weeks sermon was about how our life on this planet is only for a limited amount of time compared to eternity. I agree. The problem which makes me confused is having a sermon that preached to basically get off your butt and live for God, but yet in another they will say to have patience. It is hard to have patience when they bring upon a sense of urgency. Do you agree? I think time is relative and a mystery in which we have to deal. In the sermon, a quote from someone I forget was that days seem to last a long time but years go by in the blink of an eye. This wasn't the exact quote but more or less the exact meaning. Maybe we should have patience in the long days, but looking at the life as a whole we need to get moving. A double insight on thought versus time versus action. If that didn't make sense to you, it didn't to me either.

I am currently reading "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. I've made references to another one of his books "Searching for God Knows What." These books have brought huge insight into the way I feel and look at God. In a good way. In my endless boredom from knowing zero people in Tulsa, I decided to go hang out at Starbucks by myself and read "Blue Like Jazz." Miller talks about things that hit me right on the nose. He went through a lot of the same things I am currently going through. It makes me feel better to know I am not alone in that sense, but it raises some interesting faults of mine I've never pin pointed until now. Some surprising in fact it explains more than just my faith. Let me put down a particular passage that caught me by surprise.

I'll give you background first. Basically after last weekend and early week of feeling like I was really one with the Holy Spirit and making strides with Jesus, it all kind of died. I went back to being close to the old me and started struggling with things again. Miller hits on this fact perfectly.

"I don't think, however, there are many people who can stay happy for long periods of time. Joy is a temporal thing. Its brief capacity, as reference, gives it its pleasure. And so some of the magic I was feeling began to fade. It is like a man who gets a new saw for Christmas, on the first morning feeling its weight and wondering at its power, hardly thinking of it as a tool from which he will produce years of labor. Early on, I made the mistake of wanting spiritual feelings to endure and remain romantic. Like a new couple expecting to always feel in love, I operated my faith thinking God and I were going to walk around smelling flowers. When this didn't happen, I became confused. What was more frustrating than the loss of exhilaration was the return of my struggles with sin. I had become a Christian, so why did I still struggle with lust, greed, and envy? Why did I want to get drunk at parties or cheat on tests?" (Miller pg 60)


All of what he hits on in that paragraph was my thoughts and feelings this week. A part of me you all may not know is that when I find something interesting in this drab empty life that I feel like I have, I latch on and suck all of the joy out of it until I am no longer interested. I do this with video games (I'll play them until I'm bored and sick of it), music (I'll listen to a great song 100 times in a row), and in some respects I do it with women. Anything new that I enjoy I pretty much ride it until the joy is no longer there. I did the same with God and I expect the joy to last forever and it doesn't. I agree with his love feeling and I have been met with resistance from people I've dated. I've gotten in many arguments that after that puppy love feeling has gone away in the relationship, thus I must not like the person or something. The girl seems to think it will last forever, but it just doesn't. I think you can still have moments of joy and that initial love but it blossoms into a mature relationship where other things than just that feeling of joy are equally or more important. Kids, living for Jesus etc take over as the importance to that initial feeling. Maybe I am way off base, but I think this is true for my life.

I expected the joy with Jesus to last forever like I was last weekend, where I wasn't struggling with sin and I was able to enjoy God. I've rarely experience this and I think it will come back again. And again I will enjoy it to its fullest.

Miller also hits on pride and I will talk about that in a later post.

Take Care.