Lucifer sucks.

I came to an interesting realization that I never thought of before. I just never thought Lucifer would listen to prayers and manipulate them. Well it is happening to me. Something I've been praying about, I thought I had an answer from God. But the answer drives me toward sin so I know it's Lucifer. He is such a D-bag. I wish he would leave me alone and let me get on with my life.

--ME

I'm utterly lost....I'm lost. Holy Spirit fill me with the grace of Jesus Christ.

If Good Things Come to Those Who Wait, Why Does the Early Bird Get the Worm?

I think the title is relevant to the way I feel currently. I am struggling with patience. I have quite a bit of patience with people I think, but not with my self or my life. Wow, this is already sounding very self centered. Last weeks sermon was about how our life on this planet is only for a limited amount of time compared to eternity. I agree. The problem which makes me confused is having a sermon that preached to basically get off your butt and live for God, but yet in another they will say to have patience. It is hard to have patience when they bring upon a sense of urgency. Do you agree? I think time is relative and a mystery in which we have to deal. In the sermon, a quote from someone I forget was that days seem to last a long time but years go by in the blink of an eye. This wasn't the exact quote but more or less the exact meaning. Maybe we should have patience in the long days, but looking at the life as a whole we need to get moving. A double insight on thought versus time versus action. If that didn't make sense to you, it didn't to me either.

I am currently reading "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. I've made references to another one of his books "Searching for God Knows What." These books have brought huge insight into the way I feel and look at God. In a good way. In my endless boredom from knowing zero people in Tulsa, I decided to go hang out at Starbucks by myself and read "Blue Like Jazz." Miller talks about things that hit me right on the nose. He went through a lot of the same things I am currently going through. It makes me feel better to know I am not alone in that sense, but it raises some interesting faults of mine I've never pin pointed until now. Some surprising in fact it explains more than just my faith. Let me put down a particular passage that caught me by surprise.

I'll give you background first. Basically after last weekend and early week of feeling like I was really one with the Holy Spirit and making strides with Jesus, it all kind of died. I went back to being close to the old me and started struggling with things again. Miller hits on this fact perfectly.

"I don't think, however, there are many people who can stay happy for long periods of time. Joy is a temporal thing. Its brief capacity, as reference, gives it its pleasure. And so some of the magic I was feeling began to fade. It is like a man who gets a new saw for Christmas, on the first morning feeling its weight and wondering at its power, hardly thinking of it as a tool from which he will produce years of labor. Early on, I made the mistake of wanting spiritual feelings to endure and remain romantic. Like a new couple expecting to always feel in love, I operated my faith thinking God and I were going to walk around smelling flowers. When this didn't happen, I became confused. What was more frustrating than the loss of exhilaration was the return of my struggles with sin. I had become a Christian, so why did I still struggle with lust, greed, and envy? Why did I want to get drunk at parties or cheat on tests?" (Miller pg 60)


All of what he hits on in that paragraph was my thoughts and feelings this week. A part of me you all may not know is that when I find something interesting in this drab empty life that I feel like I have, I latch on and suck all of the joy out of it until I am no longer interested. I do this with video games (I'll play them until I'm bored and sick of it), music (I'll listen to a great song 100 times in a row), and in some respects I do it with women. Anything new that I enjoy I pretty much ride it until the joy is no longer there. I did the same with God and I expect the joy to last forever and it doesn't. I agree with his love feeling and I have been met with resistance from people I've dated. I've gotten in many arguments that after that puppy love feeling has gone away in the relationship, thus I must not like the person or something. The girl seems to think it will last forever, but it just doesn't. I think you can still have moments of joy and that initial love but it blossoms into a mature relationship where other things than just that feeling of joy are equally or more important. Kids, living for Jesus etc take over as the importance to that initial feeling. Maybe I am way off base, but I think this is true for my life.

I expected the joy with Jesus to last forever like I was last weekend, where I wasn't struggling with sin and I was able to enjoy God. I've rarely experience this and I think it will come back again. And again I will enjoy it to its fullest.

Miller also hits on pride and I will talk about that in a later post.

Take Care.

You Reign

Listen to "You Reign" by Mercy Me. Fantastic stuff.

I continue my steps to know Jesus. I'm so far out of anything I would normally do I feel like I am in a new life with some old left in it. I think if you put me today with me of 3 months ago, you could tell a huge difference in a number of ways.

For one, I'm down roughly 24 pounds which is huge. One of the main things I wanted to do for God and myself was to get fit and take care of this body He has given me. Although I've been having health problems, it is a blessing to catch it early and have a chance to redeem not only my body but my soul as well. I look forward to my next blood test even though my food consumption hasn't been exactly perfect, I hope to see a difference in my numbers. We'll see what God has in store for me. I don't expect a huge change or complete turnaround, but a move in the right direction would help. I still need some help in portion control and what I eat when I eat out with co-workers, but it is dramatically better than it used to be.

I'm trying to get down another 10 pounds or so. My body is beginning to resist. I can see it on the scale. I'm not longer making huge progress and I fail to see the little progression. So, I figure I am at a plateau which means I need to clean up my diet or do something else. I didn't focus so much on super cleaning up my diet even though I feel it is pretty good, I went with a step up in exercise and variation. I decided to lift weights before running today. This was a mistake. It hurt my run a lot. I was too ambitious in my assumption that I could work out and still run the same distances after my body is broken down. So idiot thinking on my part. I am going to sign up for a 5k with my coworkers for August 15, so I want to be ready for that. I don't want to win or do anything special, just finish. For a guy who barely exercised in college, I still feel that being able to run 3.1 miles is a big deal. I started a few months ago and could barely go a quarter of a mile before I had to stop. It's a blessing for sure I've come this far. As the weight comes off, I will only continue to get better.

Ever battle with sin? I know that is a question I know the answer to. I'm struggling with a few. Right now, I am winning the war I think. I'm on the path to conquer or so I believe. I catch myself on some of them and I'm more like HAHA stop it Blake or man I can't believe I almost said something. I am working to keep God on my mind all day and His concept of love and hopefully I can have full control over these sins. There will always be sin, but I have to show it I'm stronger with the Holy Spirit dominating my heart.

Speaking of the Holy Spirit. Ever feel Him surrounding you? He was all around me this weekend. I am fairly conscious of when He is because I can feel it in the depths of my soul. I think to anyone but a Christian this may sound completely insane, like I am fit for a mental institute, but I feel it like someone is hugging my heart. I felt this in college once and I ended up bawling. Again this will sound extreme to any non-Christians. If you are reading this and aren't a follower of Jesus, I'm fine with you thinking I am completely nuts. I won't be ashamed for the God that reigns. I can't describe the joy. It's almost so bad that I get distracted at work, because I just want to drop it all and go work for God. I don't know if I am being called, but I think it's a little drastic to quit a job, because I can work God in at work. I may be called to quit completely, but I won't unless I had some avenue to go down for Him. There's just a fine line here between following and being stupid. :-)

Wow, so I didn't really hit on everything, but my time flies after work with God and working out. I did make it on xbox for a bit, which was a nice breather.

I'll leave you with this comment "show love, show love, show love, love everyone and let Jesus have all the glory because it isn't ours to have anyway."

Love you guys.

--Me

Where the Earth Ends, but the River of Life Still Flows.

I did not plan on updating today. Fact of the matter is, I'm not really sure why I am writing but I am.

Want a book that will blow your hair back? Try reading Donald Miller's Book "Searching for God Knows What." Yeah, I know I'm supposed to underline the title of a book, but this isn't composition class. I didn't read this for awhile in my attempt to fight against a recommendation for me to learn about God. I've usually met that with resentment or something. I can't say for sure the pride or ego or whatever it was/is is Lucifer or what? But, I've been reading it and didn't get a lot out of it at first. The prequel to the book is "Blue Like Jazz" which I picked up today along with another book I am really excited about and will explain it more in a later post. I anxiously await to share it with people. It grabbed me last night talking at bible study.

Speaking of bible study. I'm not sure how much to talk about on here, because I'm not sure who reads it and who doesn't. Let's say I have this atheist friend (one in particular, I have a many). Even though I am new to the study group, I felt compelled to ask on how to more or less talk to this person about what I feel and other Christians of the church feel they need to hear and hope they understand. I think that too often atheists get the radical Christians that attack them. They disrespect and play the you are going to hell card. But as Donald Miller writes and I agree, this isn't what Christ wants us to teach. Granted if one does not accept Christ this is the end result. But what does Christ teach frequently? Love. Let me make this remark that I am by no means innocent or perfect here. I think atheists get this treatment that Christians are some how better than they are. I've heard this and have been around this and have probably acted that way. The book opened my eyes more to pay more attention to the way I treat non Christians.

Donald talks a lot about morality as well and how it is not a system that we must follow nor is it a system that we can do whatever we want and are saved by grace. Basically having a relationship with Christ causes us to want to ultimately please God. I agree with this. I see this in myself is the reason I do agree. For instance, say I am obsessed with food and I know it kills Christ when I overeat and hurt my body. Having a loving, intimate, relationship with Christ would deter me more because I know it pains him to overeat etc. I don't think I am explaining this well. It is hard to grasp and I should read it again. By reading this book as it relates to the Bible I see the large morality point of love. Morality also deals with loving one another no matter what status. I likely am not explaining this correctly. Good stuff nonetheless.

I've got a lot of work to do in myself, but I have to realize I'll never be perfect nor even with my transformed intimacy with Christ, I'm still on an equal playing field with others in his eyes. He did hang out with prostitutes and beggars and everyone else after all. Donald talks about how we put ourselves on this ladder of social/whatever status, but with Jesus all are important.

Did I cram you with enough stuff yet?

I am looking forward to the weekend. Not sure what I am going to do. I'm kind of up here by myself. I think I may go see Hancock or something. I'll go early in the day so I don't have to feel so out casted. I heard of a 5 mile trail I may go run. That still leaves me with a lot of time. Time is all I seem to have.

Okay I'm spent.

Take care.

--ME

Inspire the Uninspired

This may or may not be an interesting note. Ever feel like you are at a fork in the road and have been beaten to all kinds of hades but don't know which road to take because you've never seen a fork? Eh I know my posts are usually kind of dark or depressing and I don't mean it to be this way, but more of an interesting thing to think about.

This is the crossroads I am at. Where to go. I know the road to go. But the road in which I want to go causes me to have to change.........good change......needed change......letting God have it all. It's hard to do, but it's already begun. Old ties are cut, new ones are forming. I still have control, but I don't. You know what I'm talking about. You may already be there.

Work is getting hard. I have to and must be more devoted. It's hard, but really, what else do I have to do. I must be better in my faith. I must be better to my friends and family. I must be less selfish. I must be better. End of Story.

I've never been much of a materialistic person, especially as I get older I seem to become less and less that way. I mean I can see why people want all these things. We tend to get things to get praise from other people. I'm not talking about everything, but you understand what I am talking about....I hope. I mean really....I would feel really cool with a Ferrari, huge house, tons of tvs, women, you name it. I would feel really cool having all those friends, but they would only like me because I have those things. Without those things I would be nothing to them, right? I think having some material things are good, but I'm glad I don't get praise for things I have. But then again, I guess I'm spoiled in that I have everything I need. Which I know I take for granted by the way. Ex: Car, tv, xbox, Bible, food, clothes. I have all these things. This is confusing, I'm moving on. End note: I see the point why materialism is stupid, but also why people would want all of these things. Okay....onward.

I want to move into Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory with tons of oompa loompas (sp?). The orange guys, not the creepy person from the remake. Okay....on we go. Don't eat the gum Violet.

Wow, I don't think I could possibly be any more random....tonight that is. Take a look at the picture, this is me climbing....yay for class 3+ climb. Yay for Colorado.

--ME

Work Work Work Work Work........

I'm on my lunch break and I figured I would update so I didn't spend 30-45 minutes tonight doing it. It feels like my time after work just blazes by so I'll try this method of updating to gain some time when I get home.

I've been super tired this week. I don't know if it has been the rollover from last week's adventure or what. I've eaten some unhealthy meals the last couple of days and I wonder if that is causing me to be fatigued. I also haven't run due to the rain.

I am really getting bored with this running thing. I probably should lift weights too. I was thinking about purchasing a road bike which are expensive or a tennis ball machine which are expensive. For a relatively good road bike or tennis ball machine, it would be about the same price so I'm torn. A road bike would help me to get better cardio in, but a tennis ball machine would let me get my game back sicne I have no one to play with. I could join a tennis gym and use their machine....but I would spend that much on a tennis ball machine for a year. Knowing me I'll probably get neither and just gripe. :-)

Trying to find balance in life is a really hard thing to do. During the course of the night I want to study the Bible, study chemical engineering, exercise, eat well, watch tv and play xbox. All of this cannot be accomplished in one evening unless I do each for like 15 minutes. If I could limit it down it should include, Bible, Chem E, exercise and eat well. Tv I can take out and I have. Seen me on xbox recently? No? I really miss that because it was time kinda "hanging" out with friends.

That is another thing I cannot make up here is friends. Everyone at my work is older or is married and wouldn't want to hang out. So I try to join a Bible study to accomplish gaining friends while furthering my faith. But I couldn't see myself hanging out with any of them. I could join a gym, but again I don't know where college aged kids hang out or what they do for that matter. I will not go to a bar and just sit there or make random talk with people. Maybe that is ego talking, but I think that doing that at a bar is creepy. I know some of my other friends that have moved off to places that have had trouble making friends too. It's just like making a relationship at a bar out of thin air. Just really tough. I'm trying to get involved with stuff. Hopefully it'll go well. I'm not patient so that won't help me either.

Speaking of studying. I finding it impossible to really want to do anything when I go home. School just absolutely ruined any drive or motivation when I leave work. I had a mini presentation today and needed to study for some stuff. I think I only looked at it for like 15 minutes today and was pretty unprepared at work. I did okay. Granted it was just in front of the interns who couldn't have cared less. I can't get motivated to do much but exercise.

MMMMmmmm I just ate an ice cream sandwich. My second of the day. Bad BLAKE BAD! Self descipline. They gave out free ice cream from the Schwans truck this week for some kind of good work? I'm not sure what we did, but whatever. People were grabbing whole boxes and putting them in the freezer. I wanted to grab some of the steaks that were nearby LOL. But we were only allowed the ice cream. So there is a bunch of ice cream stuff left in the freezer. Probably until tomorrow or tonight and it'll be gone.

I was supposed to play tennis with Huy Nguyen today, but it just rained and I doubt the courts will be dry. I need to run though at the very least.

I'm running out of things to say and lunch is almost over.

--ME

Doin It the Way We Do

Not sure what the title means. It's horrible english....and well....sounds like the way most people talk these days.

Today was an interesting day, I guess. Work as usual wasn't anything to talk about in length. Just got a ton of projects and I'm overwhelmed. Is it the weekend yet? LOL I'll be back in OKC this weekend to get my car worked on. It seems like a chronic problem really. Nonetheless I still need to get it fixed before it has a ton of problems and get some new tires. Yippee for expense.

Got a chance to go to a Bible study today too. This is good for me. The people were interesting and offer some unique views on some things, which is good for me to listen to as well. I was hoping to meet some people I might hang out with, but that didn't happen. I still want to join another group so hopefully that will yield some of that.

One thing we got stuck on with a bunch of different viewpoints was that of "pray continually" in my version anyway. Obviously, we as Christians cannot spend every minute in prayer. We didn't come up with a definite answer even with some books that offer some insight. They were all different. I think that it just means to have God continually on your mind and to keep conversation/prayer all day. This is unattainable, but something to strive for. Maybe little prayers constantly during the day or something. I'll try that.

I brought up a point of kindness in the group. In reading "Searching for God Knows What" the author talks about only being kind to those who are kind to us. God teaches us to be kind to all others no matter what. I think it is somewhat of a definition of a Christian to be kind. Being kind all the time when people aren't being kind back is what we strive to be. I'm going to work on being kind in situations when I wouldn't be.

Enough for now, I'm getting tired and must go to bed so I'm not dead tomorrow at another beautiful day of work.

Note: Picture of me playing in the snow on Torreys Peak. Yes, another goal accomplished of playing in the snow during the summer months! :-)

--ME

Welcome Back to the Real World After 14,270 ft Closer to Heaven.

I'm sitting here with about a billion things going through my mind. I have so much to do and it is hard for me to keep it all straight. This will be really random so bare with me.

First off I do find it kind of hard to believe people would care what I think or what goes on during my day. I know I care immensely what happens to my friends and how their lives are going. Without friends I would be lost in this world and would be very unhappy.

I've had some talk with Ryan about how God seems to be acting more in people's lives around me than I have ever seen. It isn't the super Christians becoming more outspoken or laying down and crying or throwing their hands in the air or anything like that. It's more or less people like me. The stragglers as I would call us. Those of us that may have fallen off the track or have been on the path before but need a refresher. We are the ones that know what needs to be done, but haven't done it or have found other things to be more important. Not only is He working in our lives but I see more action taken toward correction, repentance, and growth. Unbelievable. Considering I've taken the first step in these steps is considerable in itself in my opinion. This is all great, but it makes me curious. What is He up to? Something is about to go down and He's grabbing people up and helping us make it right.... Maybe I'm wrong, but I can feel it.

I just got back from my infamous Colorado trip. The trip was good and rather exhausting might I add. I got to accomplish some feats that I have wanted to for awhile now. One of those being a 14er which was more difficult than I had anticipated. Going up a 14er wasn't necessarily the idea that made it hard. The hard part was the trail we went on. An experienced hiker passed us and he suggested that we go with him on the "fun" trail and that he would guide us. We decided to go that way and boy was it a mistake. Sharp cliffs, edges, and vertical climbs. Mind you I've never climbed before. I would consider myself an amateur hiker but no climber. This stuff made OKC rocks look like a joke. I've never been more physically exhausted than I was by the time I got to the summit. My legs were toast and we still had to walk 3.5 miles back to the car. I was scared and nervous so emotionally I was drained too. It was absolutely nuts, but I can say I accomplished that route. I would never do it by myself, but with an experienced person made it possible. The view was amazing, and I got to sign the sheet that says I made it to the top which was good. I've always wanted to do that too.

I got home just in time for an amazingly fast 3 day weekend. I was hoping it would last longer than it did. Got to hang out with Ryan a little bit which was awesome. Got some BWW and trivia which was awesome. And just like that, here I am and back to work. Back to the ol routine in which I loathe so much. Something has to change.

Yes...mmm hmmmm

So basically, 10 minutes until vacation for a few days. My projects take a long time and no sense in getting started on one.

Going to get some hiking shoes after I leave here and maybe some other various stuff. We'll see, I don't want to spend a ton of money, but somehow hiking a 14er doesn't sound appealing in running shoes. I have some desire to get really good at climbing and perhaps do a more technical climb than just hiking one of these days. Silly dream to chase though since I don't live near mountains.

Last few things I need to do are clean, pack, and run possibly. Scary thing to pack in tulsa and leave immediately. If I forget anything I'm totally screwed. Oh well, I'll just have to be careful.

Might try to hang out with Ryan tonight, but I don't know what time I'll get in. Really hard to say. Guess it wholly depends on how long or if I run and shower. I'm undecided at this point. I had a record day (for this summer anyway) and got about 3.5 miles in before my legs were giving out and my stride became irregular. I want to work up and beat my previous mark of 7.5 miles. Man I ran a long way that day. I get bored on these runs for some reason. I think it was more fun running around campus than it is running on the trail here in Tulsa.

I again started thinking about going back to school to get a mathematics degree. I was always really good at math (I thought) and I would like to have the degree as more of an accomplishment for myself. I might use it for tutoring or something for some extra cash. I just don't want to pay for it and I don't know if my workplace will pay for whatever I want no matter what it is. I think they do. I would do it over the course of a few years and only math classes. I never want to write another paper in my life or have to read anything extensively. That reason is probably why I liked math to begin with. No reading and immediate results. This is far away from engineering too. I don't think I could do college over again. My motivation and brain is completely spent still.

Well, it's getting to be about that time to leave. Thank goodness. I don't necessarily need a vacation from work, but it will still be nice to get out of here for a few days before I become swamped with these huge projects.

I don't think anyone but Ryan reads my blog, but comment puhlease if you read and give me your blog addy so I can comment and read about your life. It's amazing how much you can learn from other people.

--ME

Huh....?

What a weird day....in lots of ways I won't get into:

Still trying hard to get focused at work. At this point I have so much work I don't know where to begin. But this 9 day break is going to do a body good. I'm just finding it hard to concentrate this week. Probably due to my lack of good sleep and everything. I'm ready to be in Colorado for sure. I guess I won't realize I'm actually going until I'm there.

I think I'm starting to get this God thing. I'm reading "Searching for God Knows What" and it's helping me with some insight as to who Jesus was and why He acted the way He acted. I guess I always looked at him more as a man on earth than a God (like 60/40) and then a total God in heaven (100%) and not a man. But this book helped to remind me that He was a man but was wired like the God He is. Thus, he could resist all the temptations and could act in a way all of us wish we could act. Acting as good as Jesus is impossible and I can grasp it more and more that I'll never reach that.

Nothing real philosophical to write about, just trying to get by. I need to start getting up to each breakfast. Like a friggin huge breakfast. I eat at work, but I'm usually starving by the time I get to lunch which may cause me to make some bad choices in food.

Still trying to get down in the weight area. I'm down around 13 pounds from when I started earlier this year. I need another 13 at least then I'm going to start pumping iron to gain some weight back in muscle hopefully.

Looking for a church here to get into some kind of small group. Nothing has really come up and I have yet to make any friends here that aren't married/engaged/or have some significant other. Thus, still no one to hang out with. LAME.

Anyhoo I need to get to bed so I can be productive at work tomorrow.

Take care.

Prayer Requests? Let me know.

--Me

Phew....

Time sure does fly goodness. Feels like I just did my last post and here it's been quite a few weeks.

Not a whole lot to update on. I mean I go to work and come home. Been looking for some stuff to keep me busy and for the most part running does a good job in the evenings. But after I run, my night is pretty much over. I don't enjoy running, it's more or less of a chore. Nonetheless, that's were I am.

Movie Reviews:

The Happening: Totally sucked. Absolute waste of time and money. Basically the movie deals with a phenomenon that kills people in large groups and works its way to smaller and smaller groups. At one point Markie Mark actually says "STAY AHEAD OF THE WIND!" Good luck unless you are Forrest Gump. Don't go. I warned you.

Get Smart: Good movie. Definitely a Steve Carrell movie. He really has trouble playing more than one character, but at least I like that character. Overall, it was entertaining and funny. I think a must see compared to the movies that are out right now. There are some slow parts but you can make it past those.

Looking forward to my Colorado trip next week. Me and some friends (note I'm not paying any attention to grammar because honestly for an engineer it matters nothing as long as I can get my point across). We plan on climbing a 14er. I'm really wanting to conquer one of those mountains. Should be totally cool. I hope I don't get sick. If I do I'm going to throw up and keep moving. I'm having trouble getting a lot done at work this week due to next week being a vacation. I will be enjoying 9 days off thank you very freaken much.

Moving on. I've also been having a lot of trouble sleeping. The medicine that had me all messed up last week is stillllll disrupting my sleeping pattern. I wake up hot or cold and have weird dreams and nightmares. I'm sure the lack of O2 pressure in Colorado will fix that. Has every other time I've been.

Well anyway, not much to say. Same as usual, boring ol life.

You Are Only Cool If You Pee Your Pants

So the weekend was somewhat depressing, somewhat nice. I played a lot of COD on friday night with the boyz and slept in. Saturday I played some tennis with a good buddy of mine that just moved to Tulsa and we watched The Strangers at the local AMC. I then ran a few miles. So I got a good work out that day. Played some GTA and slept in to a great morning rain which happened to have tennis ball sized hail, but that didn't get my apartment. I've already been victim to hail this summer. Hopefully no more.

MOVIE REVIEW:

The Strangers
Totally corny, but the thought of what actually happened scares the crap out of me. This movie made me want to own lots of guns. I thought the acting was poor and it was a little drawn out, but overall worth a see if you are bored and want to get a little scared.

Work is getting relentless. I somehow have to get my boss an answer to this problem which consists of not having enough information to make a good decision. Basically it would be an equation like X + Y =1 and you have no idea what X and Y should be other than they add up to 1. LAME LAME LAME FREAKEN LAME. Anyhoo that's where that is.

I think I am going to join a small group at a Church somewhere. I need to and that's about as far as I've gotten lol. Not sure what type of group I want to join. I want one with a lot of college kids, but I doubt those are really popular unless you get the extreme kids. Yikes. We'll see.

Not a whole lot to update. I am trying to get back into music. I just like music at certain times. Exercising, in the car, studying. Some people listen to it all day doing everything even sleeping and that just isn't me. Anyhoo.....

I'm perty tired and I need to get to work early tomorrow to get some more stuff done. *sigh* I am ready for the weekend or something. I am trying to treat work like a normal vacation day. I just have to go get stuff done say like errands and then come home and go to bed at a decent time. I think it'll work out well if I get in that mindset instead of the dreading and then waiting for the weekends which go so fast. Life will blaze by if I treat it like that.

I feel like I don't take enough risks in life. Not sure what those risks would be or how I would make them, but I think I am going to try to take some more. I don't live life to the fullest and I think it's about time.

Just got to...

"Get busy livin' or get busy dyin' "

What movie am I quoting here? and who said it?

--Blake

Now I Know Why I Had Itchy Eyes

Yeah so....itchy eyes....were followed by the burning itchy sensation in my ears and throat this morning! YAY FOR ALLERGIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or not...

I am currently having a good night of tv. Watched The Office which is now a small addiction of mine. I find it being one of those only shows where I find myself laughing out loud by myself. Which seems kind of weird to me anyway. Followed by that is Last Comic Standing. There are some funny people out there. These are people that end up at the Loony Bin....that is the ones cut before going on to the final round.

Interesting note: I see a guy that says his knees hurt on a commercial. He proceeds to dance because his knees feel so good after taking Aleve... Okay. Even though it takes away the pain...your knees still have problems and maybe you shouldn't be dancing. Just a thought. Food that is...

I noticed how much a nerd geek I am again today. Even though I have forgotten a lot of stuff from school, I occasionally remember stuff in engineering I found interesting. Take for example how stop lights and automatic gates work. After my run, I see this girl and her mother go up to the gate and try to get it to open by jumping on it. I think to myself "Well if you really wanted it to open, you would both lay your bikes down on the sensor to increase the magnetic flux to trigger the gate from the induced electrical current." Yeah, I gave myself a wedgie right then and there. Only somethings I do cause me to say wow....this was one of those signature moments.

I am currently trying to figure out what to do with the weekend. On the one hand, I could try to come hang out with some buddies in the OKC and spend an ungodly amount of money. Or I can stay here in Tulsa and be ridiculously bored and save that money. Either way it's good and bad. I guess I need to decide pretty quick so I can pack and leave from work. That cuts out about 10 miles extra of driving back to my apartment to pack.

Current Event: Polygamist Sect Kids Must Be Returned to Parents

Okay, so part of me wants to yell in rage, but other parts thinks that it is the right thing to do. I understand the point of religious freedom and I do agree with it. But the getting married to young girls just seems wrong. I guess it's because of the world I've grown up in teaches me that that is wrong. But I can look at a 16 year old girl and be like wow she's pretty but man she looks young. As a matter of fact, she is. I'll be 32 when that 16 year old girl is 24. Yeah 32 older than the hills. So I think they need to go back to their mothers....but those creepy old dudes...yeah not so much. IF that isn't some macho man derived belief system....well it has to be...it makes the 72 virgin thing look kind of tame macho guy thinking. I'll probably get spam blocked again for this paragraph.

Well, I'll leave it with that and get off the soapbox on which I constantly stand.

To the Christian music artists: Yes God is great and good...but your music makes him sound more like a glorified Barney than a God that WILL smack you in the face if he doesn't like what you are doing. 'Nuff said.

Pace

Blake

Itchy Eyeballs

Well, now that my blog isn't flagged for spam, I can actually write again. Not sure what happened there. I don't know what set it off really either. My first post was nothing special.

Anyway, this work week has kinda had its ups and downs. I enjoy my job at times but others it's just frustrating. A lot of it isn't engineering but more or less paperwork. For example, I have to get Soda Ash added to an MSDS (material data safety sheet) booklet which I don't have access to. SO...I have to go through someone else in order to get that added. Stuff like that is what kills my day and makes me unmotivated. I am also sick of not knowing what in the world is going on. I know that I give a lot of people blank stares, because I don't know. There are so many different people to contact for so many different things....ughhh part of a new job I suppose.

I've gotten back on the dieting and exercising kick again even though I hate it. Considering I have high cholesterol and triglycerides and I have loads of fat, it makes me one unhealthy boy. I'm anticipating my doctors appointment next week and my blood results. I hope they are better than last time.

Truth be told, I'm trying to work back to playing tennis again. Hard part is going to be sinking a lot of money into the sport in order to get decent again. Andddd not being able to run without my knees hurting makes it pretty difficult. UGH. I think eating healthy is the hardest part. I enjoy eating out with my friends so much...and I want to get a soda with some unhealthy food and really enjoy the night. I can do that still, just I should do it in moderation. And if you know me well...I don't do a whole lot in moderation. It's either all the way or nothing. I probably should do something to change my personality and attitude on something like that.

Eh more to come. Gotta shower and read some chemical engineering....sick.

oh yeah. STOP MAKING GOD CORNY!!!

--Blake

Struggle

Look, he is coming in the clouds,
and every eye will see him,
even those who pierced him;
and all the peoples of the earth will mourn because of him.
So shall it be! Amen.

Rev 1:7

Well, it certainly has been a while since I have written or blogged. Mainly because I didn't want future employers to see it and judge my opinions etc. Again, I won't attach my name to this blog. I don't expect my friends to read it, although they may. I took the idea to start blogging because Ryan started to do it again. I think it's good to write about things to get them off your mind to tell them to the people you care about most. I'm a hard person to know anyway.

I have been having a hard time getting started and/or finishing tasks. I have not been motivated to do much and I struggle to find meaning or purpose in daily life. Some people might say that I am depressed. I don't think I am depressed. I just am in the same boat as a lot of men that I know. I feel like there is some purpose out there for me and that I'm not even close. Going to work is monotonous and doesn't leave me fulfilled at the end of the day. Like a good friend of mine said "it pays the bills." Sure it does and that is good, but after that what does it do? I struggle to find the answer to that.

Got sidetracked more to come.